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The Guide to Business with Earthlings : Observations 1-6

The way Earthlings do business: some observations by under-cover team 

Report number 1

 Observation 1

The reasons why some people make it to the top of an organisation are hard to identify. Powerful positions on Earth do not seem to be awarded according to brainpower, superior levels of integrity, the number of languages spoken or size (all criteria used on other planets.) On the other hand, we have already seen that knowing or being related to people already in power, attending high-status colleges and universities , and/or having the ability to inspire trust (whether justified or misplaced) are all useful for potential managers. By the end of the year we hope to be able to draw up a list of ten personal qualities which distinguish top managers from other employees.  coffee machine: dispenser of hot brown liquid acting as a mild stimulant. More importantly, a focus for social interaction at the workplace. 

Observation 2

Earthlings with extremely high moral standards, and low to average energy levels, would seem to be unsuited to positions at the very top of an organisation. However, energetic people of average intelligence combined with an above-average ability to believe two or more contradictory things at the same time, have a head start.  

 Observation 3

According to my observations, followers (the people who managers manage) fall into four groups: subversive, passive, false-active, and active.  

• subversive: small but dangerous minority who keep a low profile while sabotaging any management initiatives as a point of principle.
• passive: majority of employees to be found in this group. Their attitudes to their superiors fluctuate between mild criticism and mild approval when they bother to think about them at all.
• false-active: They pretend to believe whole-heartedly in whatever happens to be company policy at the time, and form a support structure for the most powerful managers (who have fragile egos and an enormous need for approval, as well as a lurking suspicion of those who provide it.)
• active: They are true believers and quite rare, genuinely believing in the integrity, intelligence and far-sightedness of their leaders. They do not have to be intellectually challenged, though some are, and their capacity for blind devotion seems to be the result of a very special character trait, or alternatively, a mild personality disorder.

 Observation 4

Training is seen by management as an important way of helping employees cope with change by enabling them to learn new skills and acquire fresh knowledge.  As training is usually quite popular with employees (as it provides a break in routine and a chance to meet people who may be more interesting and attractive than their usual colleagues) it is seen by management as a way of stopping good people from drifting off to work for competitors. Ironically, the training also makes those same people more attractive to competitors who will try to entice highly-training personnel away from their current employers.  

  Observation 5

Before doing business with Earth-based organisations it is important to identify where the power lies. This is not exclusively where the top managers think it lies – with themselves. People far lower down the company hierarchy have the power to make the daily running of a company grind to a halt. Taking PITS as an example, the following individuals were especially important: the people who issued (or refused to issue) security cards or computer authorisation; invoice clerks, who could decide to delay, almost indefinitely, payment of a bill or a salary; the caretaker, who possessed the key to the cupboard with the special cables which linked laptop computers to projectors.   

 Observation 6

The emotion of envy is a particularly strong one among Earthlings, and this must be understood before we embark on any trading activities with them. It is usually aroused when an individual sees in someone else something he or she desires, but does not have. (In the case of Earthlings this might be more money or power, a better car, or more hair.) Though it can act as a driving force for change, it has an adverse effect on already low levels of human rationality and can easily destroy otherwise good relationships. Envy is just one of the negative emotions which all humans appear to experience at one time or another. Some of the many others we must be aware of are anger, the desire for revenge, arrogance, etc. They give rise to what we Observers call HN-based problems, and extremely difficult to control and tend to have a negative impact on business.

from www.businesswithearthlings.com