The Guide to Business with Earthlings
| posted by Offyd GrinipuffsDepartment of Inter-Galactic Trade on Ofydd (DIGTO)
Pre-Trade Observation Initiative (Pretoi): Destination, Earth
Since our last visit thirteen hundred years ago, a remote inspection of life on Earth has revealed that human civilisations have progressed significantly in the areas of trade and commerce. Indeed their social and economic systems are at such a level that we feel that we soon may be able to establish trading links with the inhabitants. There are raw materials found on this planet, as well as certain Earthling-produced commodities, which we feel would find a large market on our own planet of Ofydd.
For this reason we are sending a group of three Observers to make an in-depth reconnaissance of an average Earthling place of work, to see if we can learn more about how humans currently organise their commercial and trading organisations. We also wish to discover more about the thought processes of individual humans, which should help us to decide whether we can risk establishing a relationship with a race which, on earlier visits, has been distinguished by its selfishness, short-sightedness and violence. If the Observers notice significant improvements in human organization and behaviour, we hope to return to Earth in the near future and start trading with the inhabitants.
Earthlings can be rather aggressive, especially when they feel threatened, we have decided that, as in our many previous missions, the observation initiative should take place under cover. To this end and to escape detection the Research and Development department has agreed to reduce the size of the exploratory space shuttle by a factor of 1.5 million and disguise it as a sparrow (a small inconspicuous flying creature common on the planet and totally uninterested in commerce of any kind. )
Our Observers will also shrink in size and will adopt the appearance of small parasites called head lice, which live on the human scalp. (Unfortunately lice are not popular with their human hosts so detection is likely to lead to their removal and hence the instant termination of the mission.) Once in place, the three Observers will operate their thought-probes with the objective of gaining a clear picture of how the human brain functions in a work environment. See if you agree with our observations.
