So you're one of the unlucky ones. The entire economy is crumbling around us, and with every single company in existence looking to cut costs and become more efficient, you were deemed to be expendable. It's a lousy situation, to be sure, but with the proper mindset and a plan of action, you can turn getting laid off into a springboard to, if not riches and happiness, at least a few steps above complete destitution and desperation. And really, in your situation, that should sound pretty sweet. Don't get greedy. Anyhow, on to your new life plan.
1. Suck Up to Those Who Wronged You
Your former boss took credit for all the work you did and then got you canned to save her own ass. The intern whose resume you pulled from the slush pile was promoted the day you packed your boxes. And the owner of the company continues to rake in millions while you're now forced to subsist on cans of beans you're too sad to heat up before eating. But while you might want to send off emails telling these people what kinds of unspeakable acts they should be subjected to, resist that urge. Instead, swallow what small amount of pride you have left and send them polite emails telling them how much of a pleasure it was to work with them. You never know when they'll be hiring again, after all.
2. Get Mooching
So you're without a source of income. There's a silver lining to that dark cloud: there are all sorts of systems set up to help you, the unemployed. The first thing you've gotta do is sign up for unemployment, but don't stop there. Now's the time to call the folks and ask for a little help. Assuming it's been a while since you asked for money from them, the chances are good that they'll give you a loan or even a gift of some cash. And what about your friends that still have jobs? Now is when you need to start guilting them and guilting them hard. They should provide you with free drinks at the very least, if not free meals. Try to rotate through employed friends in an organized way to spread out the mooching over as long a time period as possible.
3. Follow Your Dreams
Hey, you've always daydreamed about writing that quirky-yet-heartfelt screenplay or launching a Web 2.0 site that lets people keep track of their exercise regimen. What better time to tackle these impractical dreams than now? The worst that could happen is that you'll have filled up your overwhelming and soul-crushing amount of free time with something somewhat productive, and if it works out you could be better off than you were before. But because, realistically speaking, you're way too undisciplined to actually write an entire novel, it's best to also set some realistic goals too. You know, like finishing Fallout 3 or eating an entire pizza in one sitting. Just so you don't get discouraged.
4. Check Craigslist Once Per Day
You've got to put in your time looking for a new job every day, and we all know what that means: scanning Craigslist in the late morning/early afternoon when you wake up. Send off your resume to jobs from the three main categories that you'll find: those that seem below you, those vaguely described and possibly horrible, and those obviously too good for you to ever have a shot. When you never hear back from any of them, chalk it up to a combination of Craigslist being totally worthless and the economy being so bad that it's literally impossible for you to find a new job. You'll then be able to start your day with a clear conscience, knowing that at least you made an effort.
5. Sell Your Junk
You bought all sorts of worthless-yet-valuable junk when you were gainfully employed, and now is the time to turn said junk back into the cash from whence it came. That Wii you haven't touched in 18 months could probably get you over a hundred bucks on eBay, and your fancy digital camera could easily be sold off as well. Any splurges you made on expensive clothes could turn into cash if you bring them to a vintage store that pays for decent items as well. If you run out of possessions to sell and are really desperate, there's always your plasma, semen, or paid medical experiments (which you can find in the back of the paper). There's plenty of cash to be gathered out there for those at the proper level of desperation.
6. Pool Your Lack of Resources
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Recent Comments | 13 Total
January 25, 2009 at 11:15am by John Agno
Most laid off executives think it is important to "go it alone" due to their belief in the myth of individualism; they hold tightly to the idea that everyone succeeds or fails on the basis of individual efforts and abilities. This assumption is so powerful that when an alternative view is suggested (that success depends on our relationships with others as much as it does on us) the usual reaction is denial. Denial of the role of relationships in the executive's success and failures preserves the self-enhancing illusion that we are masters of our own fates.
That said, before a laid off executive shoots him or herself in the foot by networking without knowing what he or she wants in a career move, I strongly suggest they talk with job coach or counselor to become clear of where they want to be. More at: http://coachingtip.blogs.com/coaching-tip/career/
February 7, 2009 at 12:16pm by Josh Bersin
I would add something else. I was laid off once, and it is a real emotional shock. But once you're home for a few days, its time to take stock of your true skills and interests: think about what makes you world-class. This opportunity to really think about becoming "deep vs. wide" is what makes many people later say "being laid off was the best thing that happened to me."
Here are some thoughts from an HR perspective as well.
http://www.bersin.com/Blog/post/Deep-vs-Wide--The-New-Career-Development...
February 8, 2009 at 1:31pm by Jane Smith
Was this article supposed to be funny? The advice in it was downright stupid and offensive.
February 15, 2009 at 11:07am by Dan Haerens
I read this article looking for tips that would actually be of some benefit. Instead I was told to "Mooch" off my friends? The entire article was a waste of my time.
February 23, 2009 at 12:41pm by Craig Brown
I was laid off a while back and found that there were virtually no resources to help me. So, I got together with some fellow geeks and created a social network for laid off people. Kind of a Facebook on the dole.
Check it out: www.layoffsupportnetwork.com
Lots of people are contributing information about how they are surviving this horrible situation.
March 12, 2009 at 5:43pm by Laurie Caldwell
This is such a serious topic right now that I think the attempt at cute humor here comes off as really adolescent. Humor is always important, but this is just tasteless, juvenile, and not that helpful in terms of content.
March 13, 2009 at 3:03am by Jessica Wood
I registered on Fast Company specifically so I could comment about how offensive and useless this article was. Not funny. I will be checking out Craig Brown's friendly looking link posted 2.23, to hopefully find what this article lacked. Grow a heart Frucci.
April 11, 2009 at 4:34pm by Ile Ar
You have lost credibility with this article. Why bother reading anything else posted here?
April 11, 2009 at 4:35pm by Ile Ar
You have lost credibility with this article. Why bother reading anything else posted here?
April 11, 2009 at 4:36pm by Ile Ar
You have lost credibility with this article. Why bother reading anything else posted here?
May 2, 2009 at 9:46am by eric shannon
I don't think there's anything wrong with being entertaining as long as the information is good and this is reasonable advice. on the other hand, a lot of people are suffering now and can probably use deeper more thoughtful strategies.
--
Eric Shannon
President, LatPro, Inc.
INTERNETinc.com | DiversityJobs.com | LatPro.com
June 9, 2009 at 7:16am by dfim dfdf
It is unfortunate that Fast Company undermines and trivializes the recognition it bestows upon these deserving women by admitting that its list is the product of “shortcuts” and is “subjective and incomplete.”
Get serious, Fast Company! Then maybe you can contribute to the gender discrimination that serious, competent, and gifted women continue to face!
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June 23, 2009 at 12:44am by Alexis Monroe
... or you can be your own boss and start living like you want to.
http://www.steveandalexis.worldventures.biz/ Click "about us" and see why many are choosing to be unemployed - working a few hours a week with this great company isn't really work!