11 Facebook Applications That Were Built to Fail

By: Brendan Collins and Rachel KingWed Sep 3, 2008 at 12:45 PM

Ever since Facebook opened up its application service to third-party developers, the site has been littered with applications; some great, some good, some bad, and some really, really bad.

5. Pirates vs. Ninjas

What It Does:: This groan-inducing app is based on a years-old viralinternet meme – who would win in a (fake) fight, a pirate or a ninja? “Pirates vs. Ninjas” is simply the next step in the debate. Upon installing this application, the user chooses to be either a katana-wielding Ninja or a peg-legged, parrot-on-your-shoulder Pirate. The fake “fighting” then begins, with users improving their prowess and rank with each victory. The icing on the cake of stupidity: upon attaining the ultimate level of ninjahood, the user is classified as a Chuck Norris-level ninja.

Number of Downloads:: 69,524 users, which translates roughly to about a million unwanted invitations for this application.

Why It Fails:: One word: obsolescence. This application’s entire shtick is based on recruiting friends to join your “army,” be it seafaring or Shogun fortress-based. Just like “Chuck Norris Facts,” this joke has overstayed its welcome.

6. Nip/Tuck: The Golden Ratio

What It Does:: Users of the Nip/Tuck Golden Ratio application will find that beauty is no longer in the eye of the beholder. Once installed, the app selects a photo of the user from his or her Facebook catalogue and analyzes whether or not the user has the facial dimensions necessary to be called “beautiful.” By using the golden ratio (pi’s lesser-known cousin) in its analysis, the application gives a beauty percentile to each user.

Number of Downloads:: 1,951 users, which means 1,951 unrealistic ideas of beauty.

Why It Fails:: It tosses any and all self-perceived notions of attractiveness out the window, unmercifully doling out cold statistics. On top of that, the app is one big commercial for the TV show “Nip/Tuck,” a racy sleaze-fest in its own right. Sign me up!

7. What type of goth are you?

What It Does:: Mostly known for their black leather apparel and gloomy outlook on life, goths are a cliquey bunch. But outsiders shouldn’t furrow their cheerful, happy brows! A techno-savvy goth from the UK created this application, which quizzes and rates users from all walks of life based on their musical taste, clothing style, and overall funereal attitude. The different varieties of goth include “Death Rocker,” “Old School,” and “Poser."

Number of Downloads:: 1,179 users – all tortured souls, or simply bored suburban teenagers? You decide.

Why It Fails:: True goths don’t need an Internet quiz to tell them who they are. Besides, one would think that people so obsessed with death would have realized that goth culture has been pushing up daisies for about ten years.

8. What type of cheese are you?

What It Does:: It’s natural for humans to assign labels to one another. It helps us to create order in a world which appears chaotic and aimless. There are pessimists and optimists, Democrats and Republicans, fighters and lovers. Now there are cheddars and mozzarellas. For those people who know that only dairy products can accurately describe them, this application asks users a number of (gasp!) cheese-related questions to determine their true identity. Maybe you're a Mozzarella (“You are very pale. Even though your skin isn't as good as a models [sic] you are still real yummy!” Other possibilities include Cheddar (“You don't have alot of friends”) and Bleu Cheese (“You are disgusting”).

Number of Downloads:: 90 users out there, and not one Swiss among them.

Why It Fails:: Aren’t there enough labels out there to define a person? Why cheese? Furthermore, who cares this much about cheese? This app must be targeting farmhands, dairy enthusiasts, and Green Bay Packers fans. It stinks worse than moldy limburger.