The Best and Worst Places to Meet Clients When You Work from Home

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This week, as befits a child of the English Midlands (not to be confused with Middle Earth, no Orc or Hobbit, I), I thought I'd get all Shakespearean on your asses. First, I'd just like to state that my editor, the bounteous Tyler, says I need to get to the point more quickly, so here we are [Ed note: I trimmed this a bit]. This week's topic is the tricky subject of meetings. Where the jiggins do you meet when you work from home? Maybe you designate the utility room as a conference room, with Danish pastries and coffee on top of the ironing board. If it's a "my place or yours?" scenario, you might want to opt for the latter. There's also the option of your local café, or joining a members' club--all options that we will explore in full. Shakey's iambic pentameters coming up in a bit.

I have spent the past three years working for companies with people I have never met in my life. Sad, but true. For the daily office banter, we use Campfire, where we can sling our bons mots at our co-workers in an attempt to put them off their strokes. Meetings are usually done over Instant Messaging, where we can discuss secret projects, bitch, moan, and get more time-consuming projects, such as copy editing features, done without clogging up the board. Serious home workers among you may already have a video-conferencing set up, while recluses may prefer the privacy of the telephone and a gadget that distorts one's voice.

But there are times when only a face-to-face will do. Remember that a meeting gives a potential client--or an existing one--more of a handle on you and your business than any phone call or email. Given that you wouldn't turn up for a meeting in stinky tracksuit bottoms and a tee-shirt that says "Team-Building Exercise 99," so it follows that you would want to portray your workspace in the best possible light. After all, tidy desk means tidy mind--or something. Apparently Madame Claude, a well-known brothel owner in '70s Paris would make her potential employees empty out their handbags on her desk the first time she interviewed them. If the contents were minimal and organized, they got the job. A bag full of sweet wrappers, receipts, manky lipsticks and the general detritus of life got the girl a swift, "I don't think you're quite right for our établissement. Au revoir." I wonder how Mary Poppins would have fared?

So, here are five places where you can meet--and five that I would really recommend you avoid, unless you want to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 2010.

Yes

Members' Club

This is a great option if your business makes enough money for you to justify club fees. It reflects a great image for you and your firm--namely that you are successful, professional, and a details person. On top of that, there's free wifi, should you need it, plus staff on hand to make sure you and your client's every need is catered for. You may find they'll cut a deal with you if you're only prepared to use the club's facilities during daylight hours.

Local cafe, hotel, or restaurant

A cafe is the cheapest option, but there's the general hustle and bustle to deal with, which can be a distraction. A hotel will charge you for a room, but if you need regular meetings--like the drugs cartel in The Wire--then they'll probably be prepared to do a 12-for-the-price-of-10 option. And restaurants? All well and good, but I would only recommend this option if you're on familiar terms with your client, as the social element of dining could make it awkward if he or she doesn't do small talk. Final tip: don't order the spaghetti, oysters, or tripe. It's not a good look.

Home

There are, of course, several reasons why meeting people in your home office are a win-win situation for you. For starters, there's no time wasted getting to a different venue and you've got all the facts and figures needed to impress the meetee at your fingertips. Downsides are--unless, of course you are a natural at the spick and span--putting your house in order every time someone turns up. I had a most disconcerting experience last year, when a boss dropped in at my house to ask if he could use my house for a conference call, as both of his meeting rooms were busy. As he wandered round upstairs (I thought I was the only person who walked and talked when on the phone) deep in conversation with a French CEO, all I could think was, "Did I clean the toilets? Oh My God, there's a pile of dirty washing on the bedroom floor!" If I'm honest, I thought it was: a) inappropriate; and b) it put me in a very tricky situation. I don't like saying "No" to the people who pay my wages, but if I had to do it again, I would demur, firmly.

Friend's office