Fast Company

Office Handbook

You can get sick, but only on your time.

To meet fourth-quarter estimates, the Company has sold its supply of employee flu vaccines to the township of Bloomfield, New Jersey. Therefore, to ensure a smooth transition out of the flu season, please adhere to the following guidelines.

Prevention: To stop a vicious flu strain before it starts, several new "prophylactic" procedures have been put in place. Human resources will provide every employee, at no cost, surgical masks and gloves to be worn during the workday. And office services will outfit phones, keyboards, and desks with sanitary plastic wrapping, to be replaced quarterly.

Caring for Family: It is company policy to deny all requests by employees to care for an ill family member at home. However, the Company now offers third-party Webcam services at a modest markup. Contact a benefits manager or log on to www.webcamz4sale.com.

Sick leave: The Company is pleased to continue allowing employees up to five sick days per calendar year. As of January 1, however, use of this benefit requires a copayment of $100 per day.

At-work care: To encourage "presenteeism," infectious employees who choose not to take advantage of the sick-leave benefit may be granted temporary workspace in a sealed chamber of the emergency executive bunker (subbasement level). Supervisor approval required.

Medical leave: After all sick days have been exhausted, the medical-leave policy takes effect. It requires that employees clear out their desks before taking leave. Managers shall wait five days before interviewing replacements. Workers who return within that window must provide a letter from a licensed physician as well as any outstanding sick-day copayments.

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