Office Handbook

Chapter 14: Intracompany Romance

In the course of your work, you may find it necessary to flirt with (i.e., "hit on") a coworker and then to maintain an affair. Should this situation arise, please adhere to these guidelines.

Boundaries: Employees should stay in their own leagues. Cross-functional dating is discouraged--and dating between accounting and marketing personnel, or between IT and any other department, is barred. Subordinates may enter into relationships with their superiors at the latter's discretion, though a differential of more than three pay grades may be subject to HR review.

The Morning After: The aftermath of an interoffice one-night stand can be awkward and should be handled with all possible decorum. Remarks that go beyond normal pleasantries (e.g., "Could you get any hotter?" or "You left at 3 a.m., you insensitive moron!") may result in harsh disciplinary action.

Avoidance: Once an office affair has soured, the involved parties will seek to avoid each other at all costs. Short-term strategies include hiding in bathroom stalls or a supply closet. Managers seeking greater productivity in such cases may arrange for telecommuting, therapy (normally covered at 50%), or outplacement.

In-Office Intimacy: While the Company prefers that sexual relations between coworkers occur after hours and off-site, such discretion may not always be feasible. In such cases, please avoid overt displays of affection or cute name-calling. Failure to adhere to this policy may result in dismissal.

Interns: The Company recognizes that liaisons with interns can be extraordinarily appealing. Senior executives should note, however, that today's interns arrive on the job savvy and prepared; many have already secured book agents.

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