5 Ways To Boost Your Emotional Intelligence

Alright, smarty pants--you've got the brain power, but what about emotional intelligence? Learn to diffuse anger, listen with empathy, and decode unspoken feelings; your coworkers will thank you.

It takes a wide range of skills to succeed and while vision and fresh creative ideas are critical, expanding research shows the importance of emotional intelligence (EI) as an important ingredient for effective leadership.

One study showed that 90% of top performers are high in emotional intelligence. Top business schools, such as Yale, are beginning to look at emotional intelligence levels as admittance criteria along with high school grades. The good news is that everyone can increase their EI, regardless of their level. Here are some areas to look at.

Increase your self-awareness

Great leaders make themselves and personal improvement, a lifelong project. They find people who will point out the truth about how they come across to others and areas they could improve. They seek organizations who will accommodate them or hire a coach that will give them honest feedback. Leaders recognize and accept that they are a work in progress and are always striving to improve. They view their shortcomings as opportunities for improvement and then pass this awareness and opportunity to others junior to themselves.

Develop your listening skills

In the field of the communications family, listening skills have always been the poor cousins, not receiving the attention and respect deserved. Good leaders, however, have always been aware of the importance of listening. They recognize that we all have a strong desire to be heard. From developing good listening skills, we not only receive more crucial information, we are able to connect with others through picking up meanings and messages behind the spoken word.

Normally when we listen, we are thinking of a response, which keeps us from really hearing the other person. In a couples workshop, that my partner and I took, we learned a great technique for developing listening skills. One of us would speak for a couple of minutes. The other person was not allowed to talk during that time. At the end the other person would repeat back to the speaker what they said, or what they thought they heard. Toastmasters is a great place to pick up public speaking skills and confidence that develops listening skills. The meetings include many opportunities to give feedback which require focused listening.

Show a genuine interest in the people you lead

An emotionally intelligent leader not only learns names of everyone who works in their company but finds out as much about his or her staff as possible. He or she finds out what is important to them, their families, hobbies, and special interests. Showing an interest in the personal lives of staff delivers the feeling they are valued as people, instead of cogs in a machine.

One manager went as far as keeping short files of personal information on details important in the lives of all staff to help him remember. When he knew he would be talking to them he would quickly go over the file, then ask them about something that had meaning. They were often totally amazed at how he could remember so much about the large number of staff in his ranks.

Develop the ability to manage your (and others') emotions

While managing emotions in the workplace is an important skill for everyone to have, it is crucial for leaders as they set the tone in the workplace. Instead of reacting with their emotions, Leaders with high EI are able to process information and respond after they have thought about the situation. They are able to pick up the underlying feelings behind the words spoken. This is a crucial ability for a leader who wants to develop close working relationships with and loyalty from staff.

Employees want first and foremost to be heard. Often there is no quick or easy solution to the problem. A leader with a good dose of EI can often diffuse that anger by listening and recognizing the feelings. A sure sign of a workplace that has leaders with low EI is that negative feelings are never acknowledged, but simply left to fester and grow.

Develop a strong sense of appreciation

If asked what they are grateful for, good leaders will be able to quickly come up with a long list. They are always appreciative and cognizant of the fact that they have others to thank for getting to where they are.

One way of developing gratitude is to keep a gratitude book and every morning before you do anything else, write down ten things you are grateful for. This helps to keep up a positive attitude and motivation throughout the day. Another great way is to volunteer and spend time helping those less fortunate. Self-aware leaders always consider how they would like to be treated when dealing with those reporting to them. They give of their time and resources generously to help staff who are struggling as well as contributing to their community.

--Harvey Deutschendorf is an emotional intelligence expert, speaker and internationally published author of The Other Kind of Smart, Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success, published by AMACOM of New York. He writes a monthly column for . You can follow him on Twitter @Theeiguy

[Image: Flickr user liber]

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6 Comments

  • seo4tpi

    Thank you for this great read. This is exactly the kind of info that I am looking for for an article I am about to compose for my thesis. Great stuff and info. Thank you Harvey! -www.theperformanceinstitute.com.au

  • Thank you for a thoughtful piece. Emotional intelligence is indeed the best predictor of successful hiring. Even more so, lack of emotional intelligence has been proven to be a very strong predictor of failure.

    Awareness of oneself and one’s relationships is more important in being successful than either previous work experience or IQ. Emotional intelligence can help us predict failures in relationships, selecting the right people and in identifying great leaders.

    Emotional intelligence is what we need to foster in ourselves and to look for in other people. More on this here: http://wp.me/p2mHJv-2P

  • Marian Thier

    Each of us has a unique listening profile, habituated over a lifetime in our brain, body, and emotions. What will entice one person to listen may cause another to turn off. While it's terrific advice to tell someone to listen, it's also crucial to know how you listen and how that profile impacts interactions, decisions, and relationships.