Pooch Patrol

Old Dog

The favorite phrase of this employee or manager is: “But we have always done it this way.”

Puppy

This is the overly enthusiastic intern or administrative assistant who continually pops out of nowhere to be of help.

Leg Humper

The sexual harasser who comes in many ages and forms but still does not realize his (or her) sexual come-ons and innuendos are not welcome. Or legal.

Bull Dog

The company bully; the manager or employee who gossips and demeans other employees for his or her own enjoyment and advancement.

Sniffer

This is the cubicle surfer always on the lookout to see what you are doing, what you are getting, if your office is better, and if your workload is lighter.

Pedigree

The employee with an MBA, usually in a mid-level position, who looks down on everyone in the company.

Alpha Dogs

This top-level member of management may be a former pedigree dog or may have clawed his or her way to the top.

Mutt

The hardest working, most loyal employee of all who will probably never make management.

Best Trained

The administrative assistants who, in reality, run everything in the company. They know the most tricks, they know every company fact and figure, they know which kibble you eat and what dog bowl you prefer--and they know where all the bones are buried.

Happy National Dog Day! Know Any Humans With These Doglike Qualities Working In Your Office?

Got a Leg Humper for a manager? An Alpha? Woof once for yes, then check out our canine taxonomy to determine what kind of dog you are.

Today is National Dog Day. As you look for ways to celebrate this tail-wagging occasion, here is a list of dog types you may already have in your office:

Old Dog. The favorite phrase of this employee or manager is: "But we have always done it this way." New tricks are not in his or her repertoire.

Puppy. This is the overly enthusiastic intern or administrative assistant who continually pops out of nowhere to be of help. This person means well but occasionally needs to be crated.

Leg Humper. The sexual harasser who comes in many ages and forms but still does not realize his (or her) sexual come-ons and innuendos are not welcome. Or legal.

Bull Dog. The company bully; the manager or employee who gossips and demeans other employees for his or her own enjoyment and advancement.

Sniffer. Outside of dog circles, this would be the cubicle surfer always on the lookout to see what you are doing, what you are getting, if your office is better, and if your workload is lighter.

Pedigree. The employee with an MBA, usually in a mid-level position, who looks down on everyone in the company. He is constantly insinuating that he will be leaving this company, unworthy of his talents (or hers), soon to take his tricks elsewhere.

Alpha Dog. This top-level member of management may be a former pedigree dog or may have clawed his or her way to the top. However he or she got there, always remember this is the Top Dog.

Mutt. The hardest working, most loyal employee of all who will probably never make management. These are the employees who keep the company going strong. Every once in a while, a mutt deservedly claws his or her way to the top.

Best Trained. The administrative assistants who, in reality, run everything in the company. They know the most tricks, they know every company fact and figure, they know which kibble you eat and what dog bowl you prefer—and they know where all the bones are buried. This one should truly be man or woman’s best friend within the company.

Which dog are you? Did I leave one out? Bark a reply or suggestion at me.

P.S. Before you cat people get all fussy, the cat in the office is that employee who sneaks around secretly watching everything from afar like an office spy, sneaking up on you and brushing past when you least expect it. This is why you do not put cats and dogs together in the office.

*I am the proud mother of two German Shepherd rescue dogs, Albert and Joey. Our two rescue cats lived to the ripe old age of 18 and are missed every day. My middle teenager tries to talk me into another cat every day . . . as well as every other rescue dog posted on Facebook.

[Image: Flickr user el Buho nº30]

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14 Comments

  • Nikhil Khandekar

    I have seen common mongrels in corporate environments. They do nothing, know nothing, and behave in ways worse than those of the genuine common mongrel on the street. They are neither an asset nor a nuisance. They just get in the way of everyone else.

    • Nikhil
  • Nikhil Khandekar

    This is one of the most creatively, insightfully written blog posts I have ever read. Great going, Dayna. I see you are also an author. I have just started a content writing / editing services gig. Hope you won't mind my leaving a couple of links here for your reference:

    www.webwrit.com nikhilskhandekar@gmail.com

    • Nikhil (pron. Nick + Hill)
  • woof woof

    The Miniature...
    Does not realize their position at the bottom-rung in the company. Likes to blow their qualifications and contributions way out of proportion, makes a mountain out of a molehill, and presents themselves as more important than they are. Usually a fresh Gen-Y graduate who has no yardstick to measure their performance yet; their bark is MUCH louder than their bite.

  • Chris H

    I agree with previous comments, Dayna, great article!  The only one you missed was "Doberman." This would be the administrative assistant who growls fiercely at anyone who wants access to his or her boss.

  • Lesliesguest

    What about the show dog, who needs fussing over and preens constantly... Thinks he/sheer is superior to the unbranded dogs...

  • Susan

    The Bitch. Often female. Hates you, doesn't like you near her puppies (i.e. her tasks/job), very territorial.

  • Dayna Steele

    OK, laughed out loud on this one. How did I possibly leave this out? Shame on me!

  • Nmackinney

    Heel biter.  This dog (person) is passive / aggressive.  He seems friendly and collaborative, but he is likely to bark about you later to other dogs or unexpectedly bite your heel as you walk away. 

  • Mark McNeilly

    Dayna,
    Great article!

    One other dog  I'd add is the Lap Dog. This is the person that is always cozying up to the manager in order to be the favorite.

    Best,
    Mark