Pooch Patrol

Old Dog

The favorite phrase of this employee or manager is: “But we have always done it this way.”

Puppy

This is the overly enthusiastic intern or administrative assistant who continually pops out of nowhere to be of help.

Leg Humper

The sexual harasser who comes in many ages and forms but still does not realize his (or her) sexual come-ons and innuendos are not welcome. Or legal.

Bull Dog

The company bully; the manager or employee who gossips and demeans other employees for his or her own enjoyment and advancement.

Sniffer

This is the cubicle surfer always on the lookout to see what you are doing, what you are getting, if your office is better, and if your workload is lighter.

Pedigree

The employee with an MBA, usually in a mid-level position, who looks down on everyone in the company.

Alpha Dogs

This top-level member of management may be a former pedigree dog or may have clawed his or her way to the top.

Mutt

The hardest working, most loyal employee of all who will probably never make management.

Best Trained

The administrative assistants who, in reality, run everything in the company. They know the most tricks, they know every company fact and figure, they know which kibble you eat and what dog bowl you prefer--and they know where all the bones are buried.

Happy National Dog Day! Know Any Humans With These Doglike Qualities Working In Your Office?

Got a Leg Humper for a manager? An Alpha? Woof once for yes, then check out our canine taxonomy to determine what kind of dog you are.

Today is National Dog Day. As you look for ways to celebrate this tail-wagging occasion, here is a list of dog types you may already have in your office:

Old Dog. The favorite phrase of this employee or manager is: "But we have always done it this way." New tricks are not in his or her repertoire.

Puppy. This is the overly enthusiastic intern or administrative assistant who continually pops out of nowhere to be of help. This person means well but occasionally needs to be crated.

Leg Humper. The sexual harasser who comes in many ages and forms but still does not realize his (or her) sexual come-ons and innuendos are not welcome. Or legal.

Bull Dog. The company bully; the manager or employee who gossips and demeans other employees for his or her own enjoyment and advancement.

Sniffer. Outside of dog circles, this would be the cubicle surfer always on the lookout to see what you are doing, what you are getting, if your office is better, and if your workload is lighter.

Pedigree. The employee with an MBA, usually in a mid-level position, who looks down on everyone in the company. He is constantly insinuating that he will be leaving this company, unworthy of his talents (or hers), soon to take his tricks elsewhere.

Alpha Dog. This top-level member of management may be a former pedigree dog or may have clawed his or her way to the top. However he or she got there, always remember this is the Top Dog.

Mutt. The hardest working, most loyal employee of all who will probably never make management. These are the employees who keep the company going strong. Every once in a while, a mutt deservedly claws his or her way to the top.

Best Trained. The administrative assistants who, in reality, run everything in the company. They know the most tricks, they know every company fact and figure, they know which kibble you eat and what dog bowl you prefer—and they know where all the bones are buried. This one should truly be man or woman’s best friend within the company.

Which dog are you? Did I leave one out? Bark a reply or suggestion at me.

P.S. Before you cat people get all fussy, the cat in the office is that employee who sneaks around secretly watching everything from afar like an office spy, sneaking up on you and brushing past when you least expect it. This is why you do not put cats and dogs together in the office.

*I am the proud mother of two German Shepherd rescue dogs, Albert and Joey. Our two rescue cats lived to the ripe old age of 18 and are missed every day. My middle teenager tries to talk me into another cat every day . . . as well as every other rescue dog posted on Facebook.

[Image: Flickr user el Buho nº30]

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