What do a bejeweled calculator and a childbirth teaching model made of yarn (and complete with placenta) have in common? They're all put to public shame on Regretsy, a blog that spotlights the ugly, poorly proportioned, tasteless side of Etsy.

The only way to make a mink phone handset classier is to attach it to a gem-adorned rotary base designed for "a seductive bedroom boudoir look with a [sic] Moroccan influences."

Etsy Page

With its fake grass and its flashy yet realistic flutter of butterflies, this lamp narrowly misses the so-camp-it's-awesome aesthetic by using too little sparkle glue.

Etsy Page
Crochet Pattern
$ 4.50

If you're not careful when ordering, you might not end up with the "Little Miss Teapot Money or Coin Purse" that you wanted. Instead, like us, you end up with a crochet pattern to make one. So much better.

Etsy Page

The devil is so in the details here, from the yellow foam hearts to the Etsy description of this phallic felt hat, which is "Pepto Bismal [sic] Pink and Turquoise Blue."

Etsy Page
Creepy Dolls
$40 to $125

Bloody dolls with exposed musculature or sets of spiky teeth behind their eyes.

Etsy Page
The Roy Road Fish Company

This hat tweaks the mount-beers-to-your-head idea with an eye towards helping your feathery friends. The trick: being okay with birds landing that close to your eyes.

Etsy Page
Ami Nnyi Tray Design

A necklace with antique false teeth. Here's to hoping these teeth are, indeed, false.

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Hi Bird

Embroidered toilet paper. Because choosing between "ultra soft" and "ultra strong" wasn't difficult enough.

Etsy Page
Cowgirl Heaven
Glasses with dangling tassels. The trick to these glasses is their dual function: shading eyes from harmful UV rays and shading your face from the grimaces of onlookers.

Etsy Page
Goose on the Loose

Chicken poncho. No matter how cold your chick is (a common problem), it'd probably rather scrounge for a nest than wear this hideous poncho.

Etsy Page
Slightly Curious

In a fine example of taxidermy, we have a Fish in a Squirrel Suit.

Etsy Page