The 26 Best Amazon Customer Images

Written Amazon reviews aren't pretty enough in the age of Pinterest. Customer Images are the new way to discover portable potties, unicorn masks, and bunny jackets.

Amazon reviews are the by-product of a democratized web-enabled Consumer Reports culture—they're often sidesplittingly hilarious and, on occasion, useful, especially if you find yourself in the market for a Big Gulp's worth of Wolf Urine, an Accoutrements Yodelling Pickle, or a gently used JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank.

But we're all about Pinterest, Instagram, Photoset, and picture apps that let us express ourselves in images now. Amazon, it turns out, is way ahead of the curve here—and we may have discovered the service's potential pivot. Lurking a few clicks in on a large number of its e-commerce treasures is a feature called Customer Images. It's not new. But given its subtle presence, it might be new to you. What you've more likely never realized is that it's a semi-secret treasure trove of user-generated, sharable moments that just happen to involve props you can buy. Here are some of our favorites.


Avery Durable View Binder with 2 Inch EZ-Turn Ring, White, 1 Binder (17032)

For those reading this story in the year 2032, before The Lord Supreme Mitt II and the Romney Fraternal Dynasty brought about a lasting peace and benevolent absolute rule upon this planet we call BainEarth(TM), foolish people once tried to make what was then called a "meme" out of a progressive, insightful glorious comment by the All Powerful Prophet Lord Dr. General Mitt Romney The First, a remark made in what was then known as a "debate" in the dark times of The Great Satan Hussein Obama. The words were "a binder full of women." It has sense gone on to mean the luxurious and most gracious accommodations afforded to unwed mothers, free of charge, courtesy of the Mitt Dynasty Administration. Can you believe there was a time when people went to such great lengths to make fun of the idea?! [Source]
[Source]

Comfortable, Breathable Mitt ROMNEY MASK - AS REAL AS IT GETS!

Again with the Romney. Honestly? Look at this face. It totally doesn't look real. The teeth are too perfect. The smile looks Photoshopped. The hair looks plastic. The mask is dead on, though.
[Source]


Comfortable, Breathable BARACK OBAMA MASK - AS REAL AS IT GETS!

In the interest of equal time ... Wait, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Supergroup! Romney on skins. Barry on the lute. Ah-one. Two. Ah-one, two, three, four!
[Source]


Israeli Civilian Gas Mask w/ Nato Filter

Pretty sure this guy works out at my gym—and dominates the squat thrust area.
[Source]
[Source]
[Source]


The Kalencom 2-in-1 Potette Plus, Blue

"[Name omitted] never seems to mind just where he uses his new potty so long as it isn't a public bathroom stall," writes the Amazon user we hope is the parent of this future middle school wedgie recipient, who will, at least on our site, go nameless. We wish this lil grunt's parents were the only ones squeezing off shots of their kids dropping their kids off at the proverbial portable pool. Sadly this is but one in a several similar images. Hey, wait. I recognize the roadside spot pictured here. It's a dump! [Source]


Magical Unicorn Mask

"Little known fact," says Amazon user Nappy "Nappy" "Nappy" from York, PA, "Unicorns love Vans." Perseus is totally loaded, passed out in the back. The band on the stereo? Wings. [Source]
[Source]


Bongzilla Beer Bong with 6 Tubes

Bro. We fully rocked Bongzilla at two of the last three DMB shows, and we CRUSHED it at the county fair. We saw someone with a seven-tube version, but when they tried to use it, a hole tore open in the time-space continuum and they folded infinitely inside themselves until there was nothing left. Whooo!! [Source]


Fresh Whole Rabbit

Key to understanding the hilarity in this the set of mostly adorable wabbit shots is that they're the "before" versions of the "after" products being sold on Amazon by a person we presume is Glenn Close's bunny-boiling character from Fatal Attraction. Or the worst. Magician. Ever. [Source]
[Source]


Peter's Walking Rabbit Jacket

Of course there are plenty of ways to enjoy your rabbit that don't involve digestion. Perhaps it would like to cruise or be cruised in this shiny blue leather jackrabbit jacket. "Fits nice but barely fits my holland lop. He's an exception though because he's overweight ... this is my dwarf," writes Customer Image uploader "crawdaddy." No, don't stop, go on! [Source]


Premier Pet Come With Me Kitty Harness Medium Royal Blue

... And if bunny's tired, kitty's surely eager for a workout! Writes this photo-sharing user: "Let your cat enjoy the outdoors in safety" ... without the stress of ever having to meet or like a companion in its owner's lonely life, that is. The marketing genius that naughtily named this product clearly has a cruel sense of humor. [Source]
[Source]


How To Avoid Huge Ships

We've all been there. Blown a mile out to sea by an explosion. Stranded. Clinging desperately to the set of hulking, matching wooden trunks that, when you first agreed to throw yourself into a volcano on the Island of Waponi-Woo, seemed like an indulgence. And while you were able to bind those trunks together and fashion yourself a life raft, the raft is hardly maneuverable, and, holy Christ here comes a massive container ship! What to do?! Cap'n John W. Trimmer has 112 pages worth of answers—in the second edition of the wildly popular 1982 original. (No, lots has changed.) Or, you could save yourself $507.52 (at post time) and 111 pages of effort and follow the supplemental diagram provided by Amazon Customer Image uploader Lisa Krause. [Source]


Da Bird Cat Toy - Easy Store - 2 Part Pole

When he's not collecting art (see: wall), Amazon Customer Image uploader S. PAULSON "sociallyskilled "sociallyskilled" is a semi-professional maker of cat-flight art in his own right. Just a typical friday night here. A dude. A laptop. A beanbag chair. And a two-part, easily storable feather pole for giving his furry felines "Da Bird." [Source]
[Source]


The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

Apple no longer supports this shirt. For a host of breathtaking new features, please download the "Three Mountain Lion" shirt. [Source]
[Source]
[Source]


Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

Martha! Some Tuscan's hawking his milk on Amazon again! And the damn wolves won't shut up about it! (We did not Photoshop and upload this ourselves.) [Source]

Follow Tyler Gray on Twitter

[Photo Illustration: Joel Arbaje]

Add New Comment

1 Comments

  • Joe B.

    These are all a thing of the past... :-( As of July 15, 2013, amazon.com discontinued the customer-uploaded image feature. ++Sigh++