Your success—and fulfillment—as a manager is neatly encased in one bite-size nugget:
Be who you are, just flex your style to manage others.
Flexing your style means being versatile in how you lead, communicate, and motivate. A tough approach propels one employee; mild-mannered encouragement inspires another. Being flexible requires proficiency in a range of techniques, to draw upon as needed.
This does not require disregarding your own temperament. It means maximizing rapport with others while maintaining your core of integrity.
Flexing your style does not mean holding people to varying standards—accountability remains consistent across the board. All that changes is how you manage and motivate different personality styles, particularly between thinkers or feelers.
Flexing requires customizing your communication to motivate different staff members. If you are a feeler, you need to behave as an off-the-chart thinker at times to accomplish your feeler mission statement. You can become so skilled at impersonating a thinker that an innocent bystander may confidently proclaim you to be a thinker. Yet you remain a feeler at your core, flexing your style brilliantly.
So what's the difference between a thinker and a feeler? And how can you tell who is who on your team?
For beginners, the first level is to listen for the frequency with which a staff member uses variations of the words think and feel. In conversation, these words are nearly always technically interchangeable.
As you tune in to the use of these primary words (think, thought, versus feel, felt), you will be amazed at the consistency with which many people favor one over the other. This is a solid clue for those on either end of the thinker/feeler continuum.
Sample words favored by thinkers:
Sample words favored by feelers:
The next step is to practice both languages so you become equally conversant in both, with the ability to speak in thinker or feeler at will. With practice, you can match language in important conversations. For example, in an annual performance review with a thinker, shift into thinker language to ensure your message is heard.
What comes naturally, with no effort, to those at one end of the temperament spectrum can take much conscious effort for those at the other end. Although one workplace interaction may roll off a thinker's back, the same event may upset or confuse an feeler, and vice versa.
When managing these personality types, keep in mind the potential for the following flare-ups:
- lack awareness of the impact of their tone
- make decisions solely based on logic
- be unaware or unconcerned with interpersonal discord
- value what is "true" over what is subjectively best for the team
- be particularly sensitive to conflict
- make decisions based on relationships
- react with strong feelings to interpersonal challenges
- value what is "good" over what is objectively best for the team
If you are an auditory person, listening for the frequency of thinker and feeler language will be especially useful in identifying style preferences. Another way to identify thinkers and feelers is through visual clues.
A good place to collect visual cues about personality style is in the work environment. Begin by taking a peek at a few workspaces as you mosey down the hall.
The natural habitat of a feeler will usually have at least a few photographs, more likely many. It doesn't matter if they are old or recent, family or friends. Feelers are also likely to display certificates earned for one-day trainings or long-outdated events. Often a favorite quote is framed or just taped to the computer monitor for frequent reference.
Thinkers' work environments are quite different. I have entered clients' offices that appear recently moved into. To be more specific, not yet moved into. Any intended wall hangings stand leaning against the wall. There are virtually no personal items whatsoever.
Welcome to the thinker's natural habitat. This lack of decoration can be so extreme that one is tempted to wonder whether this is a shared workspace or the thinker is here only temporarily while his real office is renovated. Go ahead and ask. No worries. The question won't hurt the thinker's feelings. I've fallen for this misconception several times. More often than not, the response will be along the lines of what I heard from a vice president in global development: "No, this is my office. [Laughs.] I moved to this site about eighteen months ago. I keep meaning to put stuff up, just haven't had the time. I'm not in here much anyway."
Don't be fooled. The supposed stuff won't be up for display on your next visit either.
Why such an activity? Because in addition to awareness and sensitivity to differences, building cohesion among coworkers is one of the best things you can do for your team.
Flex your style to meet thinkers and feelers where they are—don't expect others to have the communication acuity to meet you halfway.
Adapted with permission from Berrett-Koehler Publishers, from Managing for People Who Hate Managing: Be a Success By Being Yourself by Devora Zack. Copyright (c) 2012 Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
[Image: Flickr user Christa Lohman]