Google Instant Redefines Your ABCs

A is for AOL. B is for Bank of America. C is for Craigslist. Say what? Presenting the default search results of New Google — in rhyming couplets.

Google Instant is a new default version of the world's top search engine, a shocking change for those of us who depended on the original. Now, without having to hit the "Search" button, users' queries are answered in "streaming" fashion, meaning with every letter typed—even just the first one—results are shown.

This means that no matter what you type, you're going to get search results for one of 26 letter-based keywords first. Start typing with A, for example, and most users will see (even for a split second) results for AOL. (Other users will see "Amazon" first — the results depend a lot on your search history and your location.)

In essence, Google has just annointed the new kings of the alphabet — and 24 of the 26 are brands. All that's missing from these ABCs of the Internet age are the nursery rhymes. So, with apologies to teachers, children, and lovers of poetry, here they are.

 

AOL

A is for AOL. How great must they feel? Good thing they renewed their Google search deal.

B is for B of A, America's Bank. America's bailout kept 'em out of the tank.

C is for Craigslist, where sex ads are banned. For Google Safe Search, it's appropriately bland.

D is for Dictionary, full of words that are naughty. But type 'em on Instant, and Google gets haughty.

E is for Ebay, the online yard sale. Where else could I find Justin Bieber's toenails?

F is for Facebook, the best venue for stalking. Hey, weird high school friends! I'm glad we're still talking!

G is for Gmail. And Google (that's obvious). They rule most of the Web, and some D.C. lobbyists.

H is for Hotmail. What the hell's that? Microsoft is for suckers. Try our service: Gchat!

I is for Ikea. It's cheap, white, and artful. I sit on my Poäng and Google the Fartfull.

J is for Jet Blue, your friend in the skies. For this search to work, take two beers and one slide.

K is for Kmart. Blue light on Aisle 4! But they don't have Martha to sell any more.

 

L is for Lowe's. Where DIY rules. Can it boost sales some more, with Google search tools?

M is for MapQuest, where user numbers are sagging. Google Maps would go first, but that would be bragging.

N is for Netflix. Content partner-to-be, when it launches as part of Google TV.

O gets you Orbitz. Might have guessed that it would. They use Google's Street View to map neighborhoods.

P is for Pandora, where you rock out to Bieber. When Google Music arrives, they'll get lost in the ether.

Q is for quotes like Steve Ballmer's regards: "Google's not a real company. It's a house of cards."

R is for realtor. Google Earth is their king. Its layers of info reveal everything.

S is for Staples, but never for sex. Safe search is default, so porn it rejects.

T is for Target, where Googlers buy jeans. It's full of designers, but Walmart's more green.

U is for UPS, in their trucks of brown. If they had Street View cameras, Google'd map every town!

V is for Verizon. Forget AT&T. Google's friend could soon end net neutrality.

W is for weather, just one click away. Check the Googleplex forecast — raining cash today!

X is for Xbox. Its games gain much mention. Like Halo, and Fable, and Red Dead Redemption.

Y is for Youtube: Double rainbows! And Gaga! And David's dental visit that makes us go "ha-ha!"

Z is for Zillow. Find a new home for cheap! Then spy on your neighbors, like a stalker or creep.

 

With additional rhyming by Chris Taylor, Alissa Walker, Dan Nosowitz, and Tyler Gray.

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10 Comments

  • Ian draper

    This is a great interest for a man whose company begins with A and is top of the list but if l had a name beginning with Z I would not be so happy in search. This is my way of saying that with all new ways to obtain information someone somewhere loses. But seriously used correctly this could save time in the future for a number of businesses.

    Is it right it is no good for slow or as Google likes to call it flaky systems ?

  • APJ

    Come on folks. How did Google get to be what it is? WE made it that way. I'm am not absolving them of any guilt or wrongdoing (whatever that may be), but we need to recognize our role in making Google a power player. Secondly, these suggestions are based off of probability algorithms. They are mathematically derived from billions of past searches. Let's calm down. If we want to see some real privacy invasion and inappropriate exercise of power, we should first look at our internet service providers.

  • Artur Jach

    With the launch of Google Instant, it becomes apparent that Google suggestions will become one of the most important keyword research tools. To celebrate the launch of Google Instant I’d like to present a selection of Google Suggestions fails which proves that the dark Magic of SEO may become just a little bit funnier soon.
    http://blog.pod1.com/other/goo...

  • Erik

    While at first I thought this sounded cool, on first use I was turned off. It is much faster to type in a whole phrase or sentence of exactly what I want then hit search (which takes maybe 1-2 seconds more) than type each letter and waste time scanning whether Google knows what you want. There are over trillion pages on the Web, there is no way that Google Instant will get exactly what you want in at least 50% of your searches.

  • Brian Gatmaitan

    I love when a company makes my life easier and I can focus more on what's important rather than being distracted and waste my time.

  • Ben JOven

    I'm a search engine specialist and online advertising marketer who has several collegues in different locations, and we've done extensive research on Google Instant.

    Here are a few points:

    1. Google looks at your IP address, cookies, and search history
    2. They will deliver the one key search results based on this data.

    For eg., my buddy in Boston typed in "b" into Google Instant and got "Boston"-I'm in San Diego and I got "Best Buy".

  • Jeffery Chapman

    Way to go Austin and others. What a fun story to read.
    Okay, so now will we see the major popularity battles ensue with businesses trying to capture top spot for a letter of the alphabet rather than just key words??
    Have you considered doing the 1,2,3's? I am in Canada so I don't have Instant yet.

  • Terre McLendon

    I have to say I am unimpressed with the change in Google. All it seems to do is slow down my computer by streaming all the information about sites I'm NOT looking for.