I've written about outstanding customer service, as well as horrible customer service.

There are times that no matter what you do, you'll be treated like the most important person in the world, and there are those times when no matter how pleasant you are, you'll get miserable service. You can't control the person behind the desk, on the phone, or behind the counter.

But there are those times when your attitude can make a big difference. Here are some suggestions on how to provide good customer behavior.

• Show empathy and consider that everyone has a bad day once in awhile.

I recently had lunch with a colleague and was appalled when she started yelling at the woman taking our order. The restaurant was very busy, and the server was doing the best she could. I wanted to either yell back at my colleague, or fall under the table. Instead, I said to the server, "I see you're really busy. This must be very stressful." She smiled with relief, and told me that two people had called in sick. I told her that I understood and asked what we could do to make her work easier. "Please, be a little patient. I know you've been waiting awhile."

My colleague declared that she had no time to wait and got up and left. I stayed, had a great lunch, and as soon as I was done, the server came to the table with a big piece of apple pie and said, "You were so nice and understanding, and I saw that you ended up by yourself. Please accept this pie in appreciation of your wonderful attitude."

• Speak to the person who has the power to help you, and tell them what you want.

Last month my son had a $400 phone bill on his mobile. Someone had sent him over 800 texts, and left over 100 messages on his voicemail. He had very few outgoing texts, and had made very few calls. I was shocked when I saw the bill. I called my carrier T-mobile and explained the situation. A manager came on the line and told me that they were supposed to notify customers if their bill was unusually large. She apologized for not contacting me before the end of the billing cycle, and took off the excess charges.

• State the issue clearly, without blame or attacking the employee personally.

I've seen customers act so entitled that if they felt an employee was talking too long to another customer, they would start calling them names, and threaten to report them.

If you were that employee, would you want to go beyond the minimum for a person like that?

• Don't treat employees like you are their only customer, and that you are a superior being. When you're respectful, acknowledge the work the person from the call center, or the server at the restaurant or the salesperson, and say thank you, you're more likely to get treated like the most important customer of the day. Instead of hearing, "no it can't be done," you might hear, I'll see what I can do to help get what you want.