Effective leaders can’t see dead people – but they
possess a kind of sixth sense for reading those around them. During a summer
internship in college I setup a number of meetings with the executives of the
company to learn more about leadership. One lesson from the CEO to this day
clearly stands out in my mind.

He said that his best leadership gift was his ability to know the keys to
motivating each of his executives and managers.

As a brainy introvert, I make plenty of “people” mistakes, but I’ve worked
hard to understand the emotional side of our selves and how it motivates so many
of our actions. As leaders, how do we get past well-crafted facades to discern
our team members’ true priorities, motivations, potential and even pain
thresholds? For this post I wanted to share four areas I watch that help me
discover other’s attitudes and motives.

Non-verbal communication. The old adage “Actions speak
louder than words” aptly characterizes non-verbal communication. Gestures,
touch, body language or posture, facial expression, and eye contact all provide
insight into someone’s state of mind. The difficulty of “faking” these cues
leads us to believe they hold the truth about how someone really feels, even
when their verbal message contradicts their non-verbal communication.

Tone of voice. We mastered this as teenagers.

Choices. Priorities are a funny thing. They’re easy to say
and hard to live. Wouldn’t it be nice to only deal with (and be!) fully
integrated, perfectly healthy, fearless, secure individuals? Then implementing
our plans wouldn’t be that tough. Since that’s not the case, and people
naturally tend to try to hide unappealing needs, a leader must often look to a
person’s choices to discern what they truly value.

Personal history. Closely related to the idea of choices is
personal history. However, personal history encompasses a longer timeline – it
is the quilt knit together by a patchwork of individual choices.

Reading people is a value neutral skill. Obviously, how we use it is up to us
and reflects our character. A fine line exists between motivation and
manipulation - one of the great management gurus, the late Fred Smith, Sr.,
aptly described the difference: 

“Motivation is getting people to do something out of mutual advantage.
Manipulation is getting people to do what you want them to do primarily for your
advantage.”

Questions: What other areas help you to better understand people? How
do you keep from crossing the line between motivating and
manipulating?