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Pimp My Snuggie 2.0

Memo to: Scott Boilen, President & CEO of Allstar Marketing Group (Snuggie's creator)
From: Fast Company East Coast Marketing and Microwave Oven Programming Dept.

Steven Zampieri in Snuggie Congratulations! So far, more than 4 million customers have joined the Snuggie revolution, and at least 17 of them didn't get it as a gag gift. You have created a hit that will live forever in the annals of popular culture. I, for one, can hardly wait to see Mo Rocca on VH1 donning one during "I Love 2009," airing next week. Although your idea may not be original (see: Slanket), a wildly cheap and effective marketing campaign has cemented your place as the sleeved blanket of choice for Americans fearful of having their arms "trapped inside" conventional blankets. And you did all this without the help of Billy Mays or Vince. Shamwow indeed!

With the Slanket and even higher-end products clawing for market share amongst the millions of Americans for whom a blanket is just a cuddlier straight jacket, it's imperative that you push out Snuggie 2.0 without delay. Here are some ideas to give extra "legs" to the Snuggie brand:

Snuggielupagus

My hands are free, which is great if I'm driving and feel a bit of a draft, but I'm scaring the children. Let's put some footies on this bad boy! Think of this as a fuzzy, lovable imaginary creature that kids will cling to—literally—and run wild with it.

A.W.S. – The All-Weather Snuggie

snuggie people Part of your ad shows a family of 3 attending an outdoor sporting event. (Unfortunately, the pre-adolescent daughter doesn't seem to be faring too well with the "one-size-fits-all" sleeves.) But why should Snuggie owners be limited to being spectators? This is obviously a product for people with active lifestyles. We need to communicate that brand message. Think: Gore-Tex, wind flaps, and of course, camouflage. Am I blowing your mind yet?

Siamese Snuggie (or for the P.C. crowd, the Conjoined Couch Coat)

When I am resting in my wearable blanket, I like to snuggle up with my significant other. Sure, she could use her own Snuggie, but this is America, where we can sell two products when one will do. This Snuggie will have four arms, all in a row, so we can be literally joined at the hip while we watch The Girls Next Door, until I ask why my girlfriend can't be more like Kendra. And that, my friend, is why the Siamese Snuggie will have a top-to-bottom zipper in the middle—so I can be snug when I sleep alone on the couch later that night.

Fuel Cell Snuggie

You may not know this, but our engineers estimate that there is enough static electricity generated by your 100% polyester wonder to power a small Midwestern city. Dubuque, let's say. If we could simply harness that stored energy, we could not only reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but perhaps we can get the government to agree to outfit all of its employees with a Snuggie in the next stimulus bill. A miniature fuel cell sewn into the lining could capture more than enough juice to juice Allstar's profits to Exxon levels, or at least recharge your free book light.

Snuggle-branded Snuggie

Alternately, how about partnering with the fabric softener Snuggle and offer a free miniature Snuggle bear wearing a Snuggie for people who call in the next 20 minutes?

snuggie remote SnugSpace

Snuggie fans are banding together. This could be exactly what Revelations foretold, but I think it's bigger than that. Snuggie Sightings hit Google Trend's #1 spot at the end of January, Snuggie Pub Crawls are being organized across the country, and there are over 15,000 fans of the Snuggie page on Facebook. Snuggie needs to give consumers an official virtual venue for sharing stories about reading in cold, dark rooms.

The Bat-Snuggie

If Batman can carry a first aid kit, smoke grenades, and a grappling hook in his belt with room to spare for Batarangs, the Snuggie should be able to tote couch potato paraphernalia too. Think of this as the ultimate cross-branding opportunity: A pocket for the new Windows smartphone (preset to receive SnugSpace updates); a detachable Michelob koozie (Weekends are made for being passed out like a drunken monk); and the Frito-Layabout pocket (complete with warm cheese dispenser powered by that fuel cell).

You're welcome.